On Networking

There was a senior of mine in the finance society at FMS, whom I used to respect a lot. I thought she was hardworking, intelligent, empathetic and patient, a quality you look for in a leader. After graduating, we slowly lost touch. I recently came to know that she was working in SF. Since I was visiting the city, I thought meeting for a drink/ coffee would be good, so I sent a message on Linkedin. She did reply, but I sensed a hesitation or change in tone. It was a tone when somebody you used to know once messages you out of the blue, and you are circumspect or apprehensive about their angle.

It made me realise that over the last couple of years, I have not been in contact with many of my friends/ peers or seniors whom I used to know. This has slowly alienated me, and now I have to establish contact with them from the start. Their knowing me is as good as a foot in the door ( which itself is significant). However, after that, I have to build relationships with my friends and peers from the start.

Any relationship is based upon a certain level of trust and certainty. When you know somebody, you have an idea to what degree you can trust them - are they your 4 AM friend or share a coffee friend? You also know the vibe you would have when you meet them. Are they your friend with whom you can crack stupid jokes, or are they the ones with whom you have intellectual discussions about our purpose on earth? The more you are in contact with them, the stronger these two factors become, and you know exactly what the relationship is like. However, if you lose contact, these factors become less strong, people change, and you do not know the kind of response you would get. To start again is to start from scratch. In startup terms it is a zero to one journey. You have to rebuild and work on the relationship, not just the “network,” for the sake of it.

A lot has been made about networking. To me, networking is just meeting people without an agenda, having a discussion, showing interest in their lives and work, and building bonds with them. You maynot always get the same response back. You should not also expect the same response. You should just do right so that you are satisfied that you gave your best and showed genuine interest. The more you meet, the more certain the relationship becomes. This helps you ( and them) when an opportunity comes up and they think of you. Networking is just an instrument for increasing your surface area of luck.

So while I had contacted my senior with the object to network. I think I would meet her with the same respect which I had for her and try to work on the relationship to rebuild certainty in it. The idea would not be to take but to show genuine interest in their lives, understand them and think of a way I can help them.

Like everything in life, networking is about giving a lot more before you take!