My Blindspots & Bad Routines
Here are some of the blind spots and bad routines keeping me back.
Not attacking the main issue first. I do not attack and solve the main problem. I try to pick up other lower-priority things first. Somewhere, I lie to myself that I would do the most important thing when I have full attention. But by the time I get to it, I am tired and cannot focus. The truth is there is an element of fear and procrastination. I don't particularly appreciate failing, and if I fail at the main thing that would affect me negatively, I need to embrace failure.
Deviating from routine—Whenever I have performed to the best of my ability, it is when I have followed a set routine. This routine has non-negotiables that I have to complete and follow every day. When the environment changes, I adapt my routine and follow it. This, however, has happened infrequently in my life. I have often deviated from the routine. Mostly because I am lazy, it usually starts with minor infractions - getting up late and prioritizing other things over the routine. Lying to myself that I will do it tomorrow. Discipline is binary - either it is there, or it is not there. I need to have it ironclad and have the motivation to achieve it.
Feeling good about myself by playing on easy mode - Whenever I play games, I play on easy mode. This is for the dopamine hit of achieving success and the fear of failure. This leads to a situation where I feel good about myself but am unprepared for the grind or the real world. I need to embrace the pain and the failure. I need to think about the result, but I should be a masochist who likes situations where I am uncomfortable. I should embrace the pain and then try to overcome it.
Bad eating habits - I have always been a fat kid. I have tried to work out, but my diet is to blame. I lie to myself that I am eating healthy, but I end up ordering from outside. This food is mostly unhealthy. I then lie to myself and the world that I am eating healthy while maintaining the pretense of eating healthy. I am punishing my body. I need to avoid sugar and gluten, and those are the two things I chase.
Daydreaming - Since I was a child, I have always been daydreaming. I imagine scenarios of success and how I would act in that scenario. People call it manifestation. It does not work for me. I try to imagine the rewards without the struggle. I think I have already achieved the goal and start dreaming about the next position. In a way, I stack my daydreams. Eventually, I am far removed from reality and do not get to the struggle, thinking it is below me. I also get a very high sense of superiority. This prevents me from learning and then eventually achieving. I should learn to live in the present. Know my position and get to the next position by being excellent.
Not asking for help - There are many times when I eliminate myself without even trying. I try to think of situations where I would get a no. I self-eliminate and then justify, saying I know better. The truth is that I have a fear of hearing no. This leads me to sub-optimal outcomes. I should look forward to the other person saying no. I should embrace the no and chase it and continue to turn it into a yes. Whenever I have changed my trajectory, it is when I have asked, and somebody has said yes.
Thinking of what could have been—There are many times when I have been stuck on what could have been. I ruminate over the past and scenarios. It gets to a situation where I am not appreciating the present. The past happened. I should learn my lessons and make sure it is not repeated. I should learn to let go and move forward.
May write some more. Working post.