Kids
I have two daughters. Having kids is one of the best experiences one can have. They are a bundle of joy. But they also drive you crazy. Both me and my wife are working parents. Our schedules are often packed. In this rearing and tending to two kids comes with its own sets of challenges. We rely on the extensive support of our families. And yet there are times when it all gets too overwhelming. The competing demands of time to them and to work, and the guilt of not doing enough justice to either can get overwhelming sometimes. It is during these times, that I sometimes, think about whether having two kids was the right decision. But then I come home and my daughters give me a beautiful smile. That one moment makes it all worth it.
Having kids is a huge decision. It comes with demands on your time and also requires great financial resources. The school fees are not coming down anytime soon. You also want your children to have a certain lifestyle. It also means being ok with having a lower lifestyle than some others who do not have kids. You manage your life around their events, school holidays, and birthday party schedules. And yet there is a sense of fulfillment. I feel that at the end of the day, there is an aim or a goal I have. I need to work to make their future happy and secure. I need to put a smile on their faces. This gives you purpose.
Here is how the life changes when you have kids
Everything in life becomes focussed on - your child’s happiness. For every task you ask - whether this makes my child’s life better or worse.
You try to become a better person to set an example for the kids. This means giving up on your vices. I tried getting healthier. This was because I hoped to live to have enough to secure my family.
You thank YouTube a thousand times. For double-income parents like us, it is the third parent. I know that screen time is not good. But sometimes you want your child to be engaged for some quiet time. My daughter learned the alphabet, numbers, and a lot of trivia from YouTube. Her accent also changes depending on the channel which is her favourite right now.
Being a single kid, I realized the loneliness a single kid faces. I wanted to have two kids. There is initial resentment that the big kid faces. As a kid, I was happy that I did not have to share anything with anybody. However, as I grew up, I missed the connection that one has with a sibling. This requires a separate blog post.
One needs alone time. You value it a lot more. I think there is a guilt associated with having “me time” when you become a parent. But not having “me time”, builds frustration. This frustration finds an outlet in different ways, none of them good. So self-care and “me time” become a lot more valued.
Your social circle changes. You spend more time with people who have kids just so that your kids can have play dates. It affects your connection with friends who choose not to have kids. You still miss them. You just do not find the time to spend with them. Slowly you drift apart.
The best part of having a kid is nurturing the kid inside you. You can play all the games that you liked but stopped because the world thought that they are too childish. You can now play all of them guilt-free. You can indulge in silliness that kids ( and you) find amusing without being judged.
My daughters are at an age where me and my wife are superheroes for them. We know everything, can do no wrong, and are the main decision-makers. I know there are only a few years before my older daughter thinks we do not know anything. But I want to enjoy this period till it lasts. It comes with an added pressure. To live up to their expectations. To do things they expect us to do. To be the person they think we are in their eyes.
You become a lot more conservative. Or at least I did. You want your kids to be safe. You want the world to be safe. A lot of woke ideas do not find as much resonance with me. You still want your kids to make their own choices. However, you also want the world closer to what you understand. In a way, you want a world which you can explain. This is where conservatism comes from. It has a feeling of familiarity.
There is a lot more to write, but this post has gone too long. I would probably expand on a few ideas in future blogs.
